Guards down
by cordelia002
Summary: "When Tony finds Ziva at the chapel, a different ending comes about followed by some crazy adventure." This was meant to be a short story but has turned into an adventure. It will follow some of the things that happen in cannon but not totally.
1. Chapter 1

"I want what you want, whatever you need."

She looked up at the man she had tried so hard not to love. All the defenses were down this time. She didn't know if it was the grief or the lack of sleep or how close they had been lately. But she just couldn't do it anymore. She had to finally be honest with herself. She had to let him in this time. It hurt too much not to. So before she could think and decide not to, she let out the words "Tony, what I need is you..." The words were whispered and held all the emotion she had felt for so long. She lowered her eyes, so she couldn't watch his response.

He had her in his arms a split second later and she completely fell apart as he held her close. He backed them up so they could sit on a pew and her head found a place in his lap. There he stroked her hair as she yelled, screamed and cried. He was so glad she was getting it out, he thought this might be it- the healing she really needed. If it took losing her whole family at least she may be able to be free from it all.

Finally the sobs subsided and she grew quiet. He wanted to see if she had fallen asleep but couldn't lean over that far to see. He patiently waited for her, and tried not to let his mind run wild about what it might mean that she was letting him into her sorrow. He felt his phone vibrate and knew it was his team. Only McGee knew he was out looking for Ziva, he figured the rest of the group probably guessed that would be where he was today. He wasn't about to wake her up to reach his phone, this was way more important anyways. Tears came to his eyes as his mind wandered to the night before. All Gibbs said was get to Vance's house now. Him and McGee ran to the car and got there no questions asked. They knew Eli and Ziva were there and something seemed to always go wrong when that man came to town. He had been afraid for her life, not for the first time of course. But more so then before, because there really was something growing between them lately. And how could he forgive himself if he let them get this close without admitting what he felt? If she had died last night, well he would be the one on the ground hysterical and inconsolable. McGee and him had cleared the house, found Eli dead and Vance taking care of Jackie's serious wounds. He was heartbroken for Ziva at the sight of her father. Their relationship was so screwed up. He really didn't know how she was going to react. Not finding Ziva in the house had scared the shit out of Tony. Was she kidnapped or dying somewhere? Not finding her was worse then if he'd seen her dead beside Eli. Tony has wanted to go out and find Ziva the second he didn't see her around Vance's house, but as he was ready to turn and do that- her and Gibbs came up the driveway. It killed him that she was about to feel the weight of this loss. He watched her panic and come inside to get confirmation from him. The scream turned the knife in his heart and there was nothing he could do for her. Nothing that could stop it. It had been a long night at the hospital, and all he wanted to do was be with Ziva and take care of her. He had hoped she would turn to him sooner, hoped that she would show up at his house last night. He was up all night worrying about her- thinking that she would run away from them again. That she would pull away like she did every time she got hurt. He ached for her and worried that he would never see her again. But maybe she wouldn't. The fact that she let him into her grief was a huge step. It made him sigh with relief. Maybe they had crossed a line together forever. This was very hopeful and good even in watching her sorrow.

She woke with a start, looked up unsure of what was going on, and to his surprise she had a peacefulness to her eyes. She gave him a little smile and a yawn.

"You look like you are feeling a little better," he said with a smile.

"I am," she whispered incredulously, "and hungry" she admitted.

"Well then let's get you something to eat." and he got up to his feet to walk her out. He suddenly felt cold without her body on his, and he retook her hand in his own.

"Don't you need to get back to work?" She asked, "I have already kept you for hours. I wouldn't want to get you in trouble with Gibbs." But I would like your company, she thought to herself. She had to admit that she felt almost rested. Grief was still there but not completely consuming. She felt comforted and peaceful and she didn't want to let go of that yet. Lunch with Tony was sounding better by the moment.

"Nope, my top priority today is you." And he smiled into her eyes.

She came to him and put her head on his chest again. "Thank you Tony". And tears came again, but she had the sneaky suspicion that they weren't for the same reason this time.

He lifted her chin with his fingers until she was looking right at him. "Anything for you." He barely got out in the emotion of the moment. He knew this wasn't a good time to tell her all that was in his heart or to kiss her. But they were getting closer to that possibility and that was enough for now.

They walked out of the chapel together, hand in hand. He pretended it wasn't a big deal that he was holding the love of his life's hand. But the grin would not be smothered.

In the car she started talking about the complicated relationship she had with her father. She just talked and talked to the point that he didn't have a chance to start the car. Nope, he would just sit and listen. There were more tears, hand holding and encouragement. She breathed a sigh of relief and he knew it was really time to go get food. "Do you want to pick something up and go to my place, eat out, go to your place? What are you wanting to do?" He asked hoping he would get to spend the day with her.

She couldn't really think that well right now. She wanted food, and to be able to accept comfort. She wanted to fight off the urge to close up and run away for as long as possible. "You decide, I can't make decisions right now."

He had been checking his mirrors to pull out of the parking lot. He turned back to Ziva when he heard her tone of voice. "You okay? Change your mind about food, and rather just get some sleep? I'm happy to take you home too. Whatever you need today."

"No, I'm hungry, I just can't think about what to eat. I will eat whatever you stop for, then we can sit down and keep talking."

"Done" He said, and they were off.

They got out of the car with the food in hand, and went up to his apartment. The minute they were inside she started consuming the food. By the time Tony got plates out Ziva's food was gone. "Guess you can just sit here and watch me eat then." He said with a smile and trying not to laugh.

"I was much hungrier then I thought!" She said through a mouthful she was trying to swallow whole, "but I guess I haven't eaten since yesterday morning..." She thought loud. "I skipped out on dinner right as the rain of bullets came down, and I hadn't eaten since." She choked on the memory, and stifled a small sob. Looking at Tony, she let herself cry again.

He pulled his chair to the other side of the table, and got as close to her as possible. It was an awkward angle, but it worked. "Ready to try to sleep again?" He asked when the sobs stopped.

She looked up at him and held his gaze for awhile. The look in her eyes was so intimate it took his breath away. He was more then happy to look at her for as long as possible. He closed the gap between their mouths and gave her a sweet kiss. He backed up and watched her reaction, happy when her eyes told him she approved. She bit her lip to stop a smile, then came forward for the next one. They sat and explored each other's mouths for awhile. It was sweet and intimate.

"Okay," he said choosing to stop now to take care of her, "Ziva, I understand that you're vulnerable right now. So I can forget this ever happened if you wish." He said and put his hands in her hair to smooth it down.

"I don't want to forget this ever happened. It was a great kiss."

Making sure she got her point across with her eyes. "But you are right, I'm not in a place to really have this discussion right now. Can I promise that it will be revisited soon?"


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for for the reviews!

 _"Okay," he said choosing to stop now to take care of her, "Ziva, I understand that you're vulnerable right now. So I can forget this ever happened if you wish." He said and put his hands in her hair to smooth it down._

"I don't want to forget this ever happened. It was a great kiss."

Making sure she got her point across with her eyes. "But you are right, I'm not in a place to really have this discussion right now. Can I promise that it will be revisited soon?"

"Definetly." He prayed that it really would be discussed again, and then turned his thoughts back to what was going on now. "I want you to make yourself at home. Would you like to shower and sleep?"

She didn't want to leave him and their conversation, but she was grimy and tired. It looked like Tony was going to give them plenty of time to have the needed conversations anyways, so there wasn't any hurry. "Yeah, that sounds good," she admitted.

"Ok, towels are in the bottom drawer of cabinet in the bathroom, take as long as you need." Just then his phone rang again. He reached over and squeezed her hand as she got up to find a towel. "I've been ignoring this all day, I should answer this time."

She nodded in agreement. "Hey boss" he answered, "what's going on?" He said almost guiltily.

Gibbs was out of patience. If Tony hadn't answered this time he had been planning to send McGee to find him. "Where have you been?" He demanded.

Tony looked to see if Ziva was still in the room. When he saw that was in the bathroom he was able to say what he wanted to, "boss, I found Ziva and she needed me. She let me in and let me help her. I couldn't leave her alone..." His voice trailed off. Tony assumed Gibbs knew of his feelings for Ziva.

"Of course you're with Ziva, that much I knew. I need to know where you have her because we don't know if she is a target or not."

"Oh, right boss." Tony felt stupid. He'd forgotten that part of what had happened last night. "She's taking a shower at my place right now. Then she was going to sleep for awhile. We didn't have a plan beyond that though."

"Keep her there and stay close" and with that he hung up the phone. Tony had never liked an assignment better then that one. Maybe "I want you on Ziva's ass" was better. More explicit at least. But this one was great, an excuse to keep her with him for the foreseeable future. A thought popped into his head and he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yes Tony?" Ziva called in answer to the knock.

"Gibbs called and said you are to stay here for now til we know you are not a target. Make McGee a list of things you'll want from your place and he can bring it over." She smiled at the news.

"Ok, sounds good to me." Was all she said, but maybe they'd have the chance to talk sooner then she had thought. As she got out of the hot shower, a flood of memories came back to her. Last night was a blur and a mess in her mind but certain pieces came back to her. She didn't really think that she could be the target, but just in case it was a good reason to stay near Tony. She thought about who or what group could be responsible for murder and she felt the cool rush of the need for revenge come over her. Suddenly she wanted to be in the office, making plans, hearing the latest news and being part of the plan. But first, she really did need sleep.

She came out in his bathrobe, and went looking for Tony. She found him making up his bed for her, and smiled at the gesture. "Tony, do you guys know who did this yet?"

He turned around and looked at her. "We have some leads. They have probably gotten farther since I left to look for you, but they had some leads even last night. Secnav was calling Gibbs even at the hospital- though he didn't answer until he had news about Jackie. Why do you ask?"

She didn't answer or look at him. She was lost in thought.

"You know we are taking care of it so you can rest and grieve right?" He sighed when she didn't answer again. "You need to be part of this huh?"

She looked up in surprise by how well he knew her. "Yes I do." She sat on the bed and he sat beside her.

"Ziva it isn't a great idea for you to be part of this investigation. I do understand your need to be part of it, but Gibbs isn't going to clear you for that." He watched her. Please don't withdraw from me, he begged her silently.

"I need to go to Israel with my father's body and reconnect for a little while. And then I will need to be sure whoever did this pays for it Tony. He was the last of my family! Yes, our relationship was a train wreck. And the last conversation I had with him ended as if I was a teenager." She closed her eyes at the memory and grabbed his hand.

"Tell me what happened Ziva..." He said after a few minutes of crying into his arm. They were practically laying on the bed now. And he pulled her to him in a more comfortable position. Secretly he hoped she'd fall asleep here and he could stay. But refocusing on the conversation at hand, he said "hey, tell me."

She sighed and relayed the whole thing in between sobs and curses, he figured out the jist of it. He had to admit that was a bad ending to their relationship. But there had to be something she could redeem from it. Something that left her not feeling guilty for the rest of her life. "I'm so sorry that was how it ended Ziva. Your relationship with him was so complicated... I don't even know where to begin to help you deal with this."

She looked at him and felt so cared about. He was listening! Not making jokes or brushing the deep stuff aside. He was listening and truly trying to help her. She snuggled as close as she could to him and buried her face in his chest. Sleep would just have to come right here like this. She wasn't sure if she could sleep any other way anyways.

He smiled and was glad she was so comfortable with him suddenly. He didn't know where it came from but hoped it would continue. He settled in for nice long nap, and couldn't think of a better way to spend the afternoon.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony had dozed off watching Ziva sleep. He strained his neck to see the clock. It was 6 in the evening. Wow, they must have been tired. Well they both were up all night, them at the hospital and Ziva God knows where. He wished he knew where she went that night. What was her first instinct in all that pain? He had had to leave the room to stop himself from running to her when she sobbed over her father's body. What was her next step? How long had she stayed there that night? He had driven by after he left the hospital, but she was gone. He thought she'd leave for Israel right then and there. Never to be seen again.

She had mentioned going this afternoon, and he still had a worry that she wouldn't come back to him. Well if she wants revenge, I guess she'll have to come back, he thought. At least something would bring her back, and then he could convince her to stay. That became his new plan. He hoped she would let him help with revenge. Her tendency was to do everything on her own, but it was a good sign that she was here beside him now. He wanted to call Gibbs for an update, so he'd have something to tell her, but he wasn't going to leave her for it. She was sleeping so peacefully. She hadn't struggled at all or given any indication that she was having nightmares.

The doorbell rang and he had to make a choice. He tried to slip away from her without waking her up but she stirred. "Go back to sleep, it's just McGee or Gibbs." And gave her a reassuring shoulder rub. He was cold and stiff after laying with Ziva on him for hours, and he noticed her wet hair had left a spot on his shoulder.

He answered the door quietly and saw that it was McGee. "Hey McGee."

"Hey Tony, I have some news that you need to hear. Is Ziva around?" He said looking around the room for her.

"Right here McGee." She said as she entered the room. She couldn't help but hear what was going on.

"Do you have news about last night?" Tony asked, sad that Ziva had gotten up and wishing they were laying in bed still.

"Yeah, Ziva you weren't the target. Your father was." He said and watched her take in the news. Tony watched her trying to keep her ninja face on but struggling. "At least you aren't in danger..." He said and stepped closer to her.

She changed the subject, "When will the body be released? I want to get him to Israel as soon as possible."

Tony sighed. Their time with her guards down seemed to be over. It was such a small window. Now she was leaving and all he could do was pray that she would come back.

"Ducky won't be able to release it for another day or two. Still in investigation."

"I'm coming in to see him." She stated firmly. And grabbed her clothes to go change.

McGee looked after her and then to Tony for help. "Vance has already been chased out of the office twice. There's no way she'll be allowed to come and visit!"

"McGee, she has to." And Tony shook his head. "There's no stopping her."

And McGee agreed, knowing Gibbs was not going to be happy.

They all went in together expecting different outcomes. Tony and McGee knew this would end badly.

The elevator ding made Gibbs look up. He knew she's come to the office today. He opened his arms and she let him hug her for a moment. Tonys defense had been up to protect her, but if this was what she was going to get coming in, then he could relax.

Ziva left them to go see Ducky in autopsy and Tony, McGee and Gibbs got down the business.

"How's she doing DiNozzo?" Gibbs wanted to know.

He didn't know what he want to share with them, but said "She slept some and ate..."

"That's a start." Gibbs nodded his head in approval. "McGee, update him while I run down to see Abby."

"Will do boss." And Tony look at McGee expectantly. "How are you doing Tony?" It was time to stop ignoring the fact that his partner was in love with Ziva. He had just ignored it or made excuses for it for too long. Watching her pain and loss had to be hard on him, and McGee wanted to help.

Tony got teary at the question. "I don't know McGee. Their relationship was so complicated. I have so much anger toward the man... How do you leave your daughter to die in Africa? I'm surprised at how much she told me, how much she has let herself grieve, especially in front of me. It was better then I expected." And he looked up at McGee, " I just hope she doesn't run away."

McGee nodded in agreement. And started to tell Tony how far they had gotten since Tony left to find Ziva that morning.

Ziva came back to the bullpen talking in Hebrew on the phone. Everyone turned to look at her, and she quickly ended the conversation. "That was a family contact. I don't know what we are saying or not saying so I didn't tell them anything. Please full me in so I know what to say."

Everyone looked at Gibbs for approval.

"Gibbs, this is my family! I need to know. People are trying to check in with me and I need to know what to say. Has Israel been told of the attack on my father?"

"Yes, but only just this morning. No one here knew what to say either. It could have caused war."

"I know" Ziva said, "I didn't think of that til this afternoon, but it could have. So could have the murder my father committed the day before. Everything is such a mess. I don't know where to begin. I don't know who I can trust. I have friends in Israel that need to hear from me but I don't know what I can say and can't. I need help Gibbs."

Tony wanted to grab her hand, but he was pretty sure that that was overstepping whatever was getting started between them since it was in front of everyone. So he watched Gibbs and hoped that he would respond well. "You can trust us. We have this. We've been working all night and all day without stop. I don't know who you can trust in Israel, but I trust you to make that decision." He looked at her and smiled. "We'll get through this Ziva. As a team. Together."

"Gibbs, I will need to leave to bury my father..."

"Understood" and he walked off to keep working.

Ziva was trying to decide what action to take next. Who could she trust in Israel? There was no blood relatives left, but Mossad had always been a kind of 'home' for her. Tony interrupted her thoughts with a hand on her shoulder.

"Want to go somewhere and talk?"

She did want that, desperately. But she didn't think they could sneak away without notice. "No Tony, I'm fine." And she gave him a fake and forced smile.

He sighed, this was her stepping away from him. If only they could be at the same place at the same time...

When Ziva came back into the room again, it was obvious she'd been crying. She saw that no one was around but Tony. So she gestured him over. He hugged her tight, and looked at her lovingly, "Don't run away, please?"

The words caught her off guard, and she basked in his affection for a few minutes. Then the moment ended and she said, "I know who killed father."

The words worried him, because that meant she was talking to people that wasn't them. People he couldn't necessarily protect her from. Who is she connecting to? He wanted to know. "Who killed him?" Was all he put into words.

"Ilan Bodner, we have to find him and kill him. Will you help me?"

This could go deep, was his first thought. This could be the end of his carrier. But for her, anything. Especially since she was letting him help and be part of it. "Of course. Where do you want to start?"

"In Israel. I'm leaving as soon as Ducky releases the body. Mossad will have information for me when I get there." His look of concern stopped her. "What?"

He chose his words very carefully, "I'm not sure you should go by yourself..."

"Are you offering?" She asked incredulously.

"If you want me there I'll book the flight now." He watched he to see what she really wanted.

What he saw surprised him. She really did want him to go with her. All these years of not knowing, her eyes were giving her feelings away so much more then ever before. He had always had to guess at what she was thinking. To dig under what she said, but now she was showing him clearly. He longed to have the conversation they needed to have. To get it officially out in the open. To actually be together. But it wasn't the time. It was never the time when the opportunity presented itself. But if he could stay this close to her, well this may actually happen.

"I do," she said and he grinned. Not the fake Tony DiNozzo smile he flashed at the ladies. But a real one warm and glowing. He couldn't stop himself. His lips were on her before he could think. They kissed hungrily for several minutes. Speaking with their tongues what they couldn't say out loud. They broke apart as the elevator dinged. Both panting and not letting go of the gaze they held.

Gibbs, McGee and Abby chose to ignore the obvious as they came around the corner. Huge grins covered their faces but they recovered quickly. All paused mid step to give more time for the couple to recover. *

"Ziva, you are to spend the night at Tony's for safety. Just in case" Tony and Ziva exchanged a look of surprise, as did Abby and McGee. "Tomorrow morning Eli's body will be released to you. Do you have a flight booked to go home, or what are your plans?"

Ziva tried to catch up quickly everything being said, " I have not booked a flight yet because I did not know when the body would be released but now that I know, I will. Thanks Gibbs."

Tony realized he'd have to tell them that he was going with her, and tried to think of the best angle to work from with that information.

Gibbs interrupted his thought, "DiNozzo, I think you should go too. We don't entirely trust Mossad and their part in this. We're still unsure of the depth that this goes."

Gibbs couldn't have made this any better or easier for them. Seriously? Was he being nice and giving them room for a relationship or was he oblivious to how happy all of this news was to Tony. He looked at Ziva, and she looked completely, happily stunned as well. Abby and McGee were sharing a glance as well. Ah Gibbs, you old softy!

Ziva got to work booking a flight and making arrangements to leave in the morning with the body. Tony, McGee and Gibbs were called to MTac for a meeting. Ziva had the vague feeling she was being left out of something, but couldn't spend time on that right then. She ached to get to Israel, with Tony at her side. This thought made her think of the last time they were all in Israel. She sighed and plopped down at her desk instead of leaning over it. What a mess that had been. Oh she had been so mad at Tony, and herself. She had let everything get so out of control. She knew she had a pattern of running away when things got bad. She prayed for strength not to this time. NCIS really was her family. There was nothing left for her in Israel, that is what she needed to remember. These were the people that she could trust. Right here in this building. Yes she wanted revenge, more then she could fathom she wanted revenge. But once that was over, she would continue her life here. Maybe with Tony as more then just a partner? She hoped against hope that was true. That the feelings coming from him and the sweetness was real and not just to help her get through this time of loss. The way he had held her, the look in his eyes lately- you can't produce that. A thrill went through her. It must be real. It has to be true that he loved her.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony walked down the stairs slowly, watching her. He hoped she was truly finding some relief from the pain and sorrow. Not just putting up that ninja front she had. Sometimes he could see through it and sometimes he couldn't. He was sure she needed to talk some more, and hoped that their night together, plane ride and time in Israel would do the trick to cement their relationship. He watched her receive a skype call and wondered what it was about. He wanted to watch, but tried to give her privacy instead.

When Ziva heard the skype call go off she groaned internally. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Mossad just yet. When she saw that it was the family friend that killed her father, her blood ran cold. Trying to mask her feelings for him she answered the call going full ninja.

Tony saw the change in her and knew something was wrong. How much should he intersect? It was late, and they had an early flight. Should he interrupt the call to take her home with him? He wanted to know who it was and why it changed her whole demeanor when they called.

She ended the call icily and quickly. He couldn't see her face- she was turned the other way. Then she put her hands over her face to let out a few tears. Everyone she knew in Israel had turned against her. Friends were not friends but enemies! Mossad was such a mess. They all were so corrupt and not reliable. Everyone had their own agenda, and she was mad that she had ever been part of it or put up with it. All felt lost to her as she sat there crying.

Tony ran down the rest of the stairs to see what was wrong, but he wasn't the first hands to reach Ziva this time. Gibbs put his hand on her shoulder and lifted her up to stand in his embrace. "Ziver, this is awful. I know it is. We will get Bodner. You worry about taking care of yourself. You can trust us. Tony has your back. Rely on him, use him Ziva." He implored her with his eyes. "Who was on the phone," he asked when she had stopped crying and was able to talk again.

"Bodner" she said to him, and he looked up in surprise.

"McGee!" Gibbs yelled out and McGee came running.

"Yes boss?" He asked, trying to catch up.

"Trace Ziva's last Skype call."

"On it boss." And McGee started typing. He yawned because it had been a long day, but this case was person so they were working full throttle. "It was from Bodner boss" McGee said surprised.

"We know that McGee, where was he?"

"Just outside Boss. He's in the navy yard."

"McGee, you're with me, Tony take Ziva home and have a good flight."

Tony appreciated the relationship those two had. He hoped Gibbs would be the father she needed him to be.

"Will do boss" and Tony put his arm over Ziva's shoulder and led her out to his car.

When they got in the car he looked at her, wondering what she was thinking. If she wanted to talk or just sit in comfortable silence. Her eyes caught him staring and she shook her head. She didn't feel like talking right now.

When they got back to his apartment she looked ready to collapse. They didn't even pretend that they would sleep in different beds, but curled up on the bed and fell asleep together.

The alarm went off way too soon, and both groaned at the sound. But their flight was leaving, so there was no option for a snooze button today. Coffee would be a must. She couldn't even open her eyes, she stumbled and just about fell into his furniture. He reached across the bed and caught her. "Whoa there sweet cheeks. Hold on." He held her close and rubbed her back. "How about you open your eyes first and then try to get to the bathroom? Remember you're at my house not your own this morning."

She tried to smile at him but she was so tired. More emotionally then physically. She would need him around today for support. She was glad he was going with her for many reasons. He could be her rock, or compass. He had started being that for her before she even realized it.

"Are you ok?" He asked because she wasn't getting any better.

She nodded, opened her eyes, gave him a shoulder squeeze and walked to the bathroom.

He was worried. She was so quiet, and when Ziva got quiet she got into her own head too much. Started feeling alone and like she needed to withdraw. He didn't want her to do that, but could he really stop it? They needed to talk about so many things, but sometimes he could reach her heart and sometimes he couldn't. Being in Israel would be interesting. It was like she was taking him home. This could be really good, he thought and hoped.

When Ziva emerged from the bathroom she looked just as asleep as when she went in. Not good, he thought. He tried not to worry or pester her. She did need to do this in her own time. But it was hard to watch. Her gorgeous eyes were so troubled and grief-stricken. "Are you hungry? Want to stop for breakfast?"

"Yeah that would be fine" she muttered. "Tony..." She started and then looked confused.

She started lots of sentences this way, and he had the feeling that he really wanted to know what the end of that sentence was. "Yes?" He tried to encourage her, and took her in his arms to hold onto her. Her hair was crazy and she only had a little make up on- but she looked beautiful.

"I, I want to thank you. For putting everything on hold to come with me. It's amazing that you want to do that. I don't quite understand why you are, but thank you."

"You know why," He said with a warm smile and serious eyes.

She looked shocked and shook her head like she couldn't hear the real reason right now.

Ok, his eyes answered her. He wouldn't say it right now. But it was true. "Ready to go?"

She nodded and picked up her bag and walked ahead of Tony to the car. Ok, he had pushed her too hard. He sighed hoping that he hadn't just lost too much ground. She was very very sad and angry and there was not room for much else right now. So he went back to loving her at a distance.

They stopped for food and got to the airport on time. The flight was 30 minutes away and everything was in order. He looked at her. "Ziva..." Then checked himself. He sighed, looked at her again and started over, "Ziva, I'm afraid for you right now."

She looked up at him and gasped at his bearing his heart to her.

"I am so afraid that you are going to run away, leave the good life you have in DC with, with us." He pleaded with his eyes for her to stay with him, let him take care of her. Let him be part of her grief. "You said you needed me yesterday morning. Please keep letting me be part of this. Let me in, I'm here for you. I am afraid that when we get to Israel, you will decide to-" he choked on the words and his eyes filled with tears.

"Tony I determined myself to not run. And I am fighting within myself on this exact same thing. I am trying my hardest not to run away. Bringing you to Israel is a big step for me- but it's a good one. It'll be good for us."

He nodded his agreement and they held each other until the flight attended announced it was time to board. Both felt a little better after this exchange and Ziva looked noticeable more alert.

He took her hand and they boarded the plane together. When they were in their seats, they both turned to each other and conversation flowed easily. Their conversation earlier must have cleared the air a little. Getting it out, he felt a little better. And clearly she did too. They talked about her father, stories from Israel, and the places she wanted to take him while they were there. They talked all the way to Israel, and it was intimate and comfortable. Like them and old times.

Ziva looked excited to get to her home town, there was a spark in her eye that made him feel better. He took her hand, kissed it and walked off the plane with her. He had no idea what to expect on this trip but as long as him and Ziva were talking and together- he was good.

Ziva was surprised by the kiss on her hand, but didn't fight it. She smiled and followed him.


	5. Chapter 5

They were caught by Mossad as soon as they were off the plane. Escorted to a car and put in the backseat quickly.

"Should we be concerned?" Tony asked Ziva, leaning over to her, "Seriously, no hi; sorry about your dad. Taken right off the plane and shoved into a car. Not the most friendly greeting I've ever received. Even in Israel! And last time I was here I had been the one that did the killing."

She smiled at him, and assured him they were just fine. "Orni is a friend of the family. If they shoved us into a car it was because it wasn't safe to hang around."

He nodded and believed her. He had no other choice. But he trusted her, so that wasn't a problem. "You tired?" He asked sweetly.

"No Tony, I am fine." Then she looked down and settled against his arm. "This is going to be difficult..."

"I know. I am right here. We'll get through this together." He studied her face, "let me help...please."

She nodded, saying "There will be a lot of meetings, and politics while we are here."

"Okay..." Tony said, he had expected some of that. This was a very big deal the head of Mossad coming home from a foreign land in a casket. But he would follow Ziva's lead in this. She knew how to navigate the politics. "You concerned about anything or anyone?" He asked trying to sound casual but having a bad feeling in his gut.

She looked around the back seat of the SUV they were in and saw that they were as secure as they could be in Israel. "I feel like I can't trust any of them. It's not just my father that had personal agendas. All of them do- always! Nothing is ever as it seems. I will not feel ok around them until we are back on a plane home."

At those words his heart sighed in relief. She really intended to come home. Oh, he could breathe again! He agreed with her that they weren't entirely safe here. "Well, we will stay together, do what needs to be done, get you some closure and head home." He said with a smile in his eyes. "We'll be fine."

She smiled too, Tony may not know exactly what he's gotten myself into, but they were together and they had been through some crazy things together. "We'll be fine if we stay together..." She repeated his words.

He kissed her in reassurance, a long sweet kiss. His hands came to her face and hers wrapped around his neck. She felt so free and safe in Tony's embrace. She really did want to stay there forever! It wasn't a cliche. She had never felt that with a man. She tried to express exactly what she was feeling through her kiss, but she didn't know if her point was coming across. This would have lasted a lot longer if they weren't interrupted.

But the driver swerved suddenly off the road and the second later they were hit by another car. Ziva's side was impacted the most and Tony threw himself onto of her as much as he could with a seatbelt on. When the car stopped spinning Ziva was out cold. Tony checked her and tried to call for help but had no signal, while he was looking outside to see if they were still in danger. The other car's occupant was getting out and it didn't look good. Tony pulled his gun and pointed it out the door. "Drop your weapon!" He yelled at the driver.

He pulled off his sunglasses and said "You first!" And started shooting at Tony. He missed and Tony got him right between the eyes. Gunman went down and it was over. Tony checked their driver, but he was dead. Ziva was still out and there was no one else in the other car. "This is bad..." He said to himself. Tony didn't know what to do, clearly they weren't safe, he had no idea where the car was that was carrying Eli's body. They were out in the middle of no where in Israel. Tony went around the car and opened Ziva's door. She was bloody and crumpled up, but nothing too serious. He laid her down in the backseat and checked her over as completely as he could. They really needed to get out of here, he thought. When he was sure she was going to be fine, he checked on the driver again. He pulled the driver out of the car and tried to start the engine. It started but barely. He may be able to get them to a more populated area, but really he had no idea where they were to begin with. Tony had been fairly occupied with Ziva instead of watching to see where the driver was going. He should have been more worried about their safety... It wasn't the time for kissing. Oh but that kiss... He couldn't be upset about that kiss. He started letting himself hope that this could really turn into something. But, turning back to their situation, he pulled on the road they had been driving down. He looked behind him the mirror to see if other cars were coming. He checked the gas tank to see how far they could get. Then he checked the backseat in hopes that Ziva was waking up. She was not. He had to get them somewhere... But where was he? Then he had a thought.

Come on, give me a signal! He yelled at his phone. And finally 5 miles down the road he started to get one. He dialed a familiar number. "McGee's desk."

"McGee, can you get a track on my phone right now. We may be in some trouble."

"Sure Tony..." He knew better then to ask more questions until after the crisis was over. But he was very concerned by Tony's tone of voice. "Got it Tony, what do you need to know?"

"Where is the nearest city, town, gas station...anything remotely public McGee?"

"Um, you are at least 50 miles from anything Tony."

"Damn it!" Tony said, and checked the backseat again hoping for movement. "McGee, we're in trouble. We were hit by a car, the driver was shot, and Ziva is out cold. I don't know where we are in Israel, nor where the driver was taking us. Eli's body was in another car and I don't know where they are either. I can't protect us without some more information..." He was on the verge of panic. Yes, they had been through a lot together, but this was intense and had so many layers to it.

"Tony, is there anything else I can do for you?" McGee said feeling helpless.

"Nope, I will have to figure it out myself..." He hung up and tried to slow down his thoughts. He pulled over and ran around the car again. He couldn't stand not knowing if she was ok. He checked her over and she seemed to stir a little. "Ziva, come back to me. We were in an accident but you are ok."

"Tony!" She screeched suddenly and grabbed at him.

"Oh thank God!" Tony said and held her tight, "are you ok?"

"I think so", she said and started to get up. " I'm sore, but no real harm done."

"Okay, well you scared me Ziva" he said. And he wanted to have a heart to heart, but they had to get out of here. "Ziva, do you have any idea where we are or where they were taking us?"

He looked scared, they must be in trouble "Not really, but I can probably figure it out." She looked around trying to get her bearings, "where is the driver?"

"Dead." He knew he needed to be direct, but he hated scaring her.

"What happened?" Wow, this is bad she thought.

"Do you remember the accident?"

"I remember, yes." And I remember what we were doing right before the accident, she thought. "What happened after it?"

"The driver of the other car came out shooting, got the driver. I checked you and laid you down. Got the driver out and started driving, McGee told me there was nothing around us for 50 miles, so I figure...we're pretty screwed Ziva." He looked at her, not sure what to think.

"No I can find our way." She said and got up slowly, "can you help me to the front seat?" He got her up, and helped her to the front seat. "How far have you driven since the incident?" She asked him.

"5 to 10 miles" he answered.

"Okay..." She said thinking to herself. She took Tony's hand and gripped it, then looked at the gas gage. "I don't think we're going to make it anywhere Tony" she told him honestly.

He agreed, "But the driver had left with only this much gas, he must have known how far they were going." Then he thought out loud "unless he was set up too."

"Do we know where the car is that had my dad in it?" She gulped not knowing if she wanted to hear the answer.

"No", he said feeling like he had let her down, "we were a tad busy when this all happened. Ziva, I'm sorry...I promised to take care of you and then I let himself get distracted by...you."

"As did I, Tony," she admitted, "I keep underestimating them!" She yelled, slamming her hand against the window. Ziva was starting to lose her calm.

Tony took her hand and gave it a squeeze, about to say something when suddenly a car came screaming around the corner behind them. Both Tony and Ziva grabbed their weapons first and looked second.

The car was dark, and they couldn't see anyone inside. The car stopped, and people got out. Tony and Ziva gave a communal sigh of relief when they recognized Onri.

"Onri!" Ziva yelled and got out of the car, "what happened?"

"We're not sure," she said, "but get in the car and let's go!"

Tony and Ziva exchanged a loo, and both knew they had no other choice. They took their stuff out of the trunk and ran to the other car. Onri hugged Ziva, and told her she would explain as they drove.

They jumped into the car and sped off as if they were being followed.

"What happened?!" Ziva demanded, "We were hit, then shot at. I want honest and complete answers. NOW!" Ziva almost pulled her gun on Onri just to show her how serious she was, but as she reached for it, Tony stopped her.

"Ziva, we aren't sure what happened, all we know is that you were intercepted. They were after you Ziva, and the body of your father. We will have protection for you for the rest of the trip."

"Did they get my father's body?"

"Yes, Ziva. They did," Onri knew this would not be taken well.

"What do they want with him?"

"Not sure Ziva."

Tony squeezed her hand and looked at her, "We'll find him."

She wanted to believe him, but Mossad had such a far reach, that there was no telling how far this could go... Since she was no longer part of it, she didn't have the privileged information that she used to have. She hoped Tony was right, but there was no telling.


	6. Chapter 6

Tony could tell the Ziva's driving skills came from her time in Mossad. Orni made it the 50 miles to their headquarters very quickly. Ziva got out of the car and was all business. She demanded that she be completely read into whatever was going on at all levels and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Onri didn't look a bit surprised, and took it in stride.

Tony was taken aback by this change in Ziva. This was the Ziva that he shared a bed with in Paris, unlike how much she had changed being in America for 8 years. He remembered mentioning this same thing to McGee not that long ago. He tried to put a finger on exactly what the change was but he couldn't. Anyways, he needed to stop trying to figure it out and catch up with her.

Her and Orni were deep in conversation and she was threatening to call in favors from more Israeli friends then Tony knew she had. Tony didn't know how to add himself to the conversation, but he looked to Orni for help. No, he didn't entirely trust this woman, but she was all they had.

"Mr. DiNozzo, would you tell Ziva to take a breath. We are doing all we can for her and to find the body." She said very tensely.

Tony put a hand on Ziva's back, "let's take a step back Ziva, we don't have any idea what is happening and these guys seem to. Let's hear them out."

His voice seemed to sooth her a little, and her shoulders relaxed a little. "Orni, we got off a plane, and were PUT into a car. The next thing that happened was we were pushed off the road and shot at. What is going on here?"

"Many people are very mad about your father, Ziva. They want answers...You- your life is in danger here Ziva.

Ziva looked frightened and taken aback. Tony wanted nothing more then get her out of here and comfort her. Israel was beyond his reach for understanding all that happened here for her or the intricacies of Mossad. He didn't feel like he could protect her here. Not here. He sighed wondering what they were going to do. He watched Ziva for a few minutes, but she was lost in thought. They really needed to regroup.

"Orni..." She started, but didn't know what she really wanted to say. She took a deep breath, and started again only this time to herself, "I should not have come". She sounded defeated. He hated seeing that in her eyes, it wasn't a normal look for the ninja princess. "Orni, what do we need to do so that we are able to have an honorable memorial for my father?"

Orni looked at her a little hopelessly, "Things have been such a mess since this all happened. Ziva, he left without anyone knowing where he was going, and there is so many people contending for his job. I don't know if a real memorial is possible on this soil."

Ziva nodded and walked out of the room, head held high but falling apart on the inside. Tony followed her after a look exchanged with Orni.

"Ziva, wait up! I'm right behind you."

She stepped out onto a balcony and fell to her knees sobbing. He knelt beside her and tried to draw her toward him, but she would not be consoled. "Ziva...?" He said warmly and begging her to look at him.

"Tony," she said between sobs, "you need to get out of here. You shouldn't have come with me. This was all a huge mistake! I wish he had never come to visit. It is never good when he comes to see me. I hate how complicated this all is. All I want to do is honor the father that I cant decide how I feel about.

He sighed, he could have set his watch to her pushing him away. He agreed that this was bad, and added to everything else she was fighting against, he knew she was in deep. But he had to reach her. He had to find his way back in. "Ziva, I am not leaving you. Especially not when I hear from Mossad, that your life is in danger. Not happening Ziva. It's me and you, I want to help and be part of this. You have let me in to your life so much this last year. We are so close- you are my best friend. Don't stop now, don't push me away now. If you don't think that I see what I huge deal it is that you let me come to Israel with you, you're wrong. It is the biggest step you have EVER let me take toward you- toward your heart..." He stopped to stifle a sob in his throat and paused to look at her. She had quieted down, and was just listening. "Whatcha thinking?"

She had no idea what to say, her tendency to run away was strongly pushing in on her, and she had never fought it back for this long before. "Tony, I don't even know what we are up against! Someone has my fathers' body, how are we going to find out who? Will this ever end? Tony, I am so far beyond myself right now... I can't- just can't." She shook her head and fell into his arms sobbing. "I need you Tony. So much." A few minutes later she pulled away to look at him, "Tony, I..."

He smiled at her and hoped someday she would be able to finish that sentence. But her eyes told him everything he needed to know, "I know," He said. "Let's go figure all this out." And offered her a hand to get up with. She took it, and they walked back in together.

When Orni saw them she walked right to them, "We have news, Ziva."

"Yes?" Ziva pushed impatiently.

"The body has been found, or at least we know what group has it."

"So, who is it?"

"It's being held for ransom. The opening of his position is highly valuable and everyone wants a shot at it."

"Who has it?" Ziva demanded, and then another question came to surface in her brain, "Why is my life in danger?"

"As daughter and only living heir of Eli David, your hand is in the pot for his position. This is being taken very seriously by a lot of different people. Everyone wants this spot Ziva." She sighed and continued, "we think it is best if you go into hiding until all of this is over. Until we can have a proper memorial for you father." She had no idea how Ziva would take this news, but she hoped that the girl would follow orders. Although Ziva was never good at that.

"Not a chance!" Ziva declared and stormed out of the building. She would find the people responsible in her own. She go back to being that woman, a ninja, as Tony called it. There was nothing stopping her and she would start right now. She hoping Tony was behind her, because she was not going to slow down. When she got to the street she hailed a taxi. As she was closing the door behind her, a hand reached in.

"Can I join you?" A beloved voice asked her.

She smiled, "come on in."

He had had to sprint to keep up with her. She was gone so fast there was no question to him what her plan was. "So you're going ninja aren't you?"

She nodded at him, "it's my only choice."

He understood. "What should we tell the driver?"

She said something in Hebrew that he didn't understand and they sped off. This was going to be an interesting adventure... But he was up to the challenge. "You sleep," he told her and took her into his arms. "I'll keep watch".

Her head settled into his shoulder and there was no fighting the sleep that overcame her. He kissed her forehead and settled in. He wanted to hear more about her father, and everything that she was feeling. The conversations they were putting on hold to have later were certainly piling up. He sighed, hoping that they really would have these talks. She could still leave him behind and go off on her own. He needed to come up with a plan to stop her from doing that. He knew her, he should be able to come up with something.


	7. Chapter 7

*As they made another turn, Tony groaned when the car behind them followed. Damn it, he thought. They were in the middle of nowhere. They were being followed. He looked at Ziva, still asleep on his arm. It was probably time to wake her up so shed be ready for the fight that was coming. He didn't know if he could trust the driver. He checked his gun and ammo as best he could without moving too much to wake her up. He didn't have as much as he'd like to have, but they'd probably be ok. He was so glad she wasn't here on her own. If he had been hearing about this at NCIS he'd have been a mess worrying about her. He rechecked the car behind them, it was staying at a distance for now. The terrain around them was sparce open desert. If he had thought they were in the middle of nowhere this morning, this was much more so. He had no idea where they were going, Ziva hadn't told him. He didn't want to wake her up, but he knew he needed to.

"Ziva?" He whispered in her ear as he squeezed her shoulder. She shot up and was instantly back and on alert.

"What is it Tony?" She asked wide eyed.

"We're being followed. Have been for awhile now. I wanted you alert and ready for a fight when it comes to it." He said, hoping he wasn't scaring her too much, "how much ammo do you have?"

"Enough, I knew this could get bad and I have plenty."

"That's my little ninja." He squeezed her hand and sighed. Okay she was prepared, they would be fine. "Did you sleep well?" He asked changing the subject.

"Yeah, I did. How long was I asleep?"

"Two hours. Do you know where we are?"

"Yes, we're going to a safe house no one knows about. It was my fathers last resort house. There are provisions for many months there and all the technology we need to find my fathers body and get whoever did this."

That sounded like a good plan to Tony, especially since he thought she was flying without a plan. This might just work..."I need to check in with Gibbs soon. See where they are with Bodner, and maybe they can help us with all this too. Last thing McGee heard we had been shot at and pushed off the road. They deserve to know we are okay."

Ziva hadn't realized he had called McGee. But it made since. "Well have cell reception again soon." Then she remembered they were being followed, "what do you want to do about the car behind us?"

Tony looked back, "They are staying back for now. I don't want to start a fight. Well just keep watching. How far away is this safe house?"

"Another two hours." She watched him take in all the information. She was glad he was here with her. They had never worked together in Israel, she had always felt so alone when working for Mossad. She couldn't trust anyone, now she knew she had someone that she could trust absolutely. She settled back into his arm. "About all the conversations we need to have..." She started.

"Yeah?" He was surprised to hear she wanted to start now, but he was in. "Where to start m'dear, where to start?"

She looked behind them one more time before settling in for a long conversation about some very touchy subjects for them. But the car was now closing in. Ziva grabbed one of her guns and sat backwards in her seat to face the back window. Tony, surprised knew what was happening and took his gun out as well.

The car came up beside them and pushed them off the road into a shallow ditch. Tony and Ziva opened the door and squatted behind it, ready to shoot. "Stand back!" He shouted and someone got out of the other car. He was armed but it wasn't pointed at them. "Toss your weapon!" He warned and pushed Ziva farther out of the way. No was taking Ziva. Their driver got out and looked very confused. He walked around the car to see where his passengers went to. The other driver shot him in the head. That was enough for Tony. He shot twice and missed.

"Don't shoot! We have information for you!" The man shouted.

"What would that information be?" Tony asked. But Ziva popped her head up.

"Adam?" She asked surprised. And as she was sure it was him, she got up and walked toward him.

Who is Adam? Tony thought to himself, but quickly got up and got beside Ziva. He watched the two exchange greetings. They seemed friendly enough, and he started to put his guard down a little bit.

"What are you doing here Adam?" Ziva hissed at him, "you scared us to death!

"You are not safe, Orni knew where you would head first thinking you'd be safe. You are not. It has been compromised Ziva."

This was too much. Ziva turned around and let out a screech that could wake the dead. She kicked the tire of their car, turned back around and looked to Tony for help. But it was Adam that spoke again.

"I have a place that you can go. Lean on Mossad Ziva. We will get you through this. We are your family- not these guys!" He said, waving his hand at Tony.

She got in his face and pulled back out her gun. "They, are more family then you ever will be. They can be trusted! You never could!" Then she backed up and thought through her options. Tony and her had no leads, and very little resources. She did them, though she hated to admit it. Adam was a dear friend. Of all Mossad, she could trust him more then most. "Okay " she finally said to him. We will rely on your help, do not make me regret this!" She turned to Tony for agreement, and he just nodded at her. He didn't have enough information to make a decision about this. He would need to rely on Ziva's instincts here.

Tony went to get their things out the car and walked it over to Adam's. This was their third car today. They were in deep. He had had a feeling that trip wouldn't be a quiet time to honor Eli David. But this was... Well it was bad, that's what. But for now everyone he cared about were safe, so he was good. Tony and Ziva got into the car and it sped off in the opposite direction then they had been going.

Ziva and Adam were talking in Hebrew very fast. There was no way Tony could keep up. He just listened and thought through how to proceed if it was up to him. He wanted to talk to Gibbs and his team. Even from around the world, he knew they would help in figuring this all out. Or at least support them and have ideas. He checked his phone again, hoping for reception. None- it would have to wait. It was really hard for Tony to know Ziva's life was in danger and not have a clear answers or understanding of what was going on. He started with the basics. They knew Bodner had Eli killed. Assuming it was so he could take over. Wasn't that what was said in the meeting? It was hard to remember, it seemed like so long ago now. He remembered something about the politics in Israel changing and Mossad wanted a new leader- preferably younger who understood the needs of Israel. But, there probably was a lot of people that wanted the job and it wouldn't be as simple as Bodner just taking over. Tony suddenly wondered if Ari was in line for that throne if he hadn't died so many years ago. And if he had been in line, would that have kept Ziva safe because she wasn't the only heir? Man this whole this was complicated. Then add in the other countries involved and the peace meeting that Eli had been part of right before he died. Tony's head started swimming. So he refocused on what was going on in the car.

Seeing that Tony was back with them, Ziva filled him in, "we are heading to a secure location for provisions and then heading out to the bush for the night. We will be changing cars again so no one can follow us, but there are many people searching for us. Some people think that if I want the job, it will be just handed to me. Bodner is another contender and there are many others but only a few legit ones. The search for my fathers body is in Iran right now and we can't get there safely." She looked to the ground, "we can't be part of it."

"I told Ziva that if she wanted the job of director, it would be handed to her." Said Adam while looking at them from the rear view mirror. "People are having second thoughts about Bodner, and there is no one else that they are serous about letting in."

Tony looked to Ziva. Would she want that? He didn't think so, but maybe she would. He raised his eyebrows at her.

She shook her head, "that is not what I want to do or be Tony." And she squeezed his hand.

They made it to the safe house and quickly cleared it for safety. They threw as much as they could stuff into the car- food, guns, ammo, water and blankets. It seemed Adam was in a hurry to get out of there. It must be out of necessity that they stopped there. Not completely safe, but needed. Tony had hoped that he could call Gibbs while there but they stayed only 20 minutes and then sped off into the heart of the desert.

It was very late. 2 or 3 in the morning before they left the safe house. Tony and Ziva had had quite a day, and both were exhausted from it all. Neither were willing to fall asleep and let Adam be the only watchman so they stayed awake as best as they could. Tony watched Ziva and wondered what she was thinking. With Adam in the car they couldn't have the conversations that they needed to have. Would they ever have them? Or would something always keep them apart? Is it just not meant to be? He sighed, hating the thought. But it was a legit question. She was finally allowing him into her life but they couldn't talk to clear the air, and say what needed to be said. He would have laughed out loud if he could have known Ziva's thoughts. They were very similar, but starting to take a dangerous turn.

She was wondering if she'd ever be able to tell Tony how she felt. If they really had a chance for happiness. She wondered if the Mossad life would ever stop haunting her and let her have a normal one. Could she keep doing this Tony? Could she settle down with him knowing that she would always be stuck in this world at least a little? Or did she need to let him go, and be off on her own for his safety? She had more questions then answers and before she could even get through the questions, they stopped.

They had run out of road hours before. They were mid desert now and hundreds of miles off the road. They were safe as they'd ever be in Israel. Ziva looked at Tony for reassurance. He gave her a half smile and kissed her cheek as they got out of the car with Adam. They pitched a cloth tent beside a bush, each took a blanket and laid down. Everyone needed sleep bad enough that no on kept watch. They would have to risk it. Tony drew Ziva as close to him as he could and fell asleep.

A few hours later, Tony woke to quiet sobs and Ziva's waist was shaking slightly. He got up on his elbow and rolled her to him. "What is it?" He whispered.

She looked at him with the all the love she had ever felt for him in one glance. He saw it and tried not to let his heart jump too much. She closed the space between their bodies and settled next to him. Even in completely danger, she felt safe right here. "Tony this is never going to end. There is always going to be this life tripping me up. I can't deal with this anymore. I, I want to run away. I need to be on my own." She was having a hard time convincing him that's what she wanted as she snuggled closer to him. He smiled. Her actions were saying very different things then her words.

He had no idea what to say, what could he say to convince her? To pull her out of her thoughts and let him in? He sighed and said what came to mind, "You are fighting hard, I can tell. You are going against every instinct you have and I want you to know I am proud of you. Stay with me Ziva. You are going to get through this, and we'll head home. Together this time."

She didn't know if he was offering a real relationship with him or if he was mentioning the last time they were in Israel when they didn't go back home together. She hoped it was the first. She was ready for that, if these demons could be held at bay that is. She fell back asleep in his arms and he fell with her.

Much too soon Adam woke them up saying they needed to get back to work. They got up reluctantly and Adam filled them in one where they were


	8. Chapter 8

Adam started speaking before he turned to them, "We have news. Mossad is negotiating with the people that stole Eli's body. We may have it back in our possession in 24 hours." Adam turned around to see how Ziva would respond to this. His childhood friend looked so haggard and tired. Such grief was written all over her face- he must convince her stay with them. It was where she belonged.

"Ok, do I get any more details?" She asked impatiently.

"That's all I know on that front." And then he turned to Tony, "you mentioned that you'd like to catch up with your team at NCIS... Yes? We have internet set up through this laptop on satellite. Use it, please."

Tony did not need to asked twice and him and Ziva sat in front of the laptop and dialed out to MTAC. It was answered and Gibbs and McGee were called in for the update.

"Where have you been?!" McGee asked loudly out of frustration. "You tell me that you were pushed off the road and shot at and that you'd update us later. That was about 24 hours ago Tony."

"Well it's been a long day" Tony said, looking at Ziva. He tried to take her hand under the table, but missed because he couldn't look down. She smiled and tried to hide a laugh, "Eli's body was taken hostage. Seems that many people want to take his job now that it Is open. Ziva is in danger- they think she wants the position. And we've been run off the road a second time since I called you last."

"Wow" was all McGee would say.

"Where are you now?" Gibbs asked

"Out in the bush. We're hiding Ziva and trying to come up with a game plan. We had been hoping to find Eli on our own but we were intercepted by Ziva's friend Adam. We just got news that the body may be returned soon. After that, hopefully we can have a memorial for Eli and get back to DC."

"We may need to wait until the successor is announced before we come out of hiding. I wish that I could be more of a part of this investigation, but I'm being left out of the loop." She said with a glare towards Adam.

"Do what you need to in order to stay safe you two. We want you both home in one piece." Gibbs had a lot more to say, but too many others were in on the conversation.

Ziva looked down, she couldn't promise that she would be coming home to DC, but that wasn't a conversation she could have right now or wanted to have with Gibbs and Tony. It was something she needed to decide on her own, and finding Bodner was a big part of that decision, "Any news about Bodner?" She asked. Ziva hoped both that he had been caught and was dead, or that she'd be able to do the killing herself.

"He got away Ziver..." And Gibbs looked like he let her down.

"Do you know where he is?"

"Not entirely, we're still working on it." He gestured to McGee that the call should be ended and the screen went black.

Adam came over and told them they needed to get going. Tony watched Adam. The longer they stayed with him the more trouble they could be in. But how would they escape? And was it important to? Too many questions that needed answers, and too little time to get the information needed. He really wanted to know what Ziva was thinking, he would try to get her alone to speak with her later.

"Where are we going now?" Tony asked Adam, eyeing him up and down.

"To see a friend- a contact who understands the situation better then anyone else and will have...ideas for us." He sighed, knowing they didn't trust him entirely. "Anyways we need to get out of here quickly. Using the internet just announced to everyone where we are. I waited to do it until we were leaving- but it is still a risk."

They nodded and quickly broke down camp. They were on their way again within the hour. Tony watched Ziva for awhile in the car. They hadn't been able to talk in awhile without company. Now they were heading blindly with this guy to God knows where. They REALLY needed to talk.

Ziva caught his stare and took his hand. She looked at Adam and then back at Tony. She knew Adam could hear them talking, but Tony really needed to know why she trusted him. "Tony, this is a very old family friend. He has saved my life on several occasions and I trust him with my life. There are actually no other people I would have rather found us then Adam."

Adam smiled up in the front seat. He really wanted to see how deep her alliance was to this NCIS. This was good news for him to hear.

Tony relaxed a little, but not completely. Ziva looked like she was hiding something, and he really wanted to get her alone. He was worried about her and needed to encourage her. He squeezed her shoulder and took her hand in his. All they could do was wait out the ride.

Many hours later they found themselves in a small town. Tony glanced out the window and nudged Ziva. It was a very small town. The car parked in the side of the road, and Adam got out and looked around for what it seemed like a long time.

"Is he waiting for someone?" Tony asked Ziva, but she shrugged having only the information that he had.

They were ushered out of the car and into the street. Adam looked around again and then turned to them, "This man is here to help us and give information to help us decide what to do next. Trust me" and he looked specifically at Tony when he finished speaking. Then they were taken inside a run down building and sat on a slouchy couch.

Tony looked around a little while Adam went into another room. He looked at Ziva and choosing his words carefully, said " we need a plan in case this goes bad Ziva."

"Like what? We don't have a car, and I've never been to this town before. We don't know much about our surroundings. We have no choice but to trust him."

Tony sighed... He really didn't like this at all. He had to put Ziva's life into the hands of a stranger. "Ziva, I..." He laughed at himself for pulling a Ziva, "I really don't like this..."

"I know. But I know him" she said and she stepped closer. She moved in to kiss him in reassurance, but they heard foot steps and separated.

The men entered the room speaking to Tony and Ziva, "These are very interesting times in Israel, very intestering... I do have insight and intel on the details of the happenings, but I cannot see for sure how all this will end up."

Tony saw a large, seemingly influential man that filled up the room with his voice and persona. He looked at Ziva to see if she knew him, and could tell that she did. Ziva had grown ridged and very anxious. That scared Tony. Let's get out of here quickly he thought to himself.

"So what do you know?" Ziva asked cautiously and she gave Adam a look.

Adam ushered the man in to sit down and started introductions, "Tony, and Ziva this is Professor Ezra Harel. Ezra, this is Tony and Eli David's daughter Ziva."

"I know Ziva!" Ezra said with a laugh to Adam. "It's been a long time my dear, I wish it was under better circumstances." And he got up and pulled her from her chair into an unwanted hug.

"Professor..." Ziva said formally, "please have a seat and tell us what you know."

He fell into a long lecture about Eli and their history together. He didn't notice that no one was interested and everyone was in a hurry. Ziva was losing her patience and Adam could tell she wasn't going to be able to hold it together much longer.

"Ezra, please we are in danger the longer we stay in one place. Honor Eli by helping out his daughter."

Ezra sighed, "Alright. There is much turmoil about the direction that Israel and with it Mossad should go. I have my own personal feelings, as do you probably... But Mossad themselves took out Eli. That tells me that they are collapsing in on themselves! They need new blood, younger blood it seems." He stopped, looked at them and leaned forward, " Bodner is first in line for the seat. There are others vying for the position as well, but they are leaning toward Bodner. It must not happen." Ziva visibly reacted to that name, and Ezra saw it. "So you know, child?" He asked and gave her a sad look.

"Yes, I do." Is all she would say.

"The person that is in second choice right now is Orli." He looked at her and then continued, "While that is a better choice I do not believe that it is the right one. But I have no say in the matter. Anyways, it's going to be a complicated affair, and I don't think it's going to over anytime soon." He stopped and looked at Ziva again, "So how do we give you closure?"

"Life isn't about closure" Ziva said, holding back tears. She tried to regain control, but the last couple days had been too much. She got up and left the room and any leaped to her side.

When they got outside, she completely lost control and tears fell like rain. "This is too much Tony, too much! AllI want is to honor my father. But these people make it so complicated and all about politics...I just can't do this."

"Hey, hey. Look at me." And he waited til she looked up. "This is a lot. I understand that. I do. You have put up with a lot these last few weeks. We are going to have an honorable memorial for your father no matter how long it takes to happen. I am here for the long haul. As long as you need to stay, I stay." Then he changed the subject, " how do you know the Professor?"

"A friend from my father's college years. They stayed it touch, and was always treated as a member of the family...he, he did something's to lose that privilege, but has tried since to put a bandaid on it and make it ok. It didn't work." She looked up at Tony, " he is influential, and probably does have intel on the situation, but it don't trust him or his decisions. Adam should have known that, but he may not have."

Adam burst out of the door, and scared them both. "Eli's body is back in Mossad control, and we are being called to a meeting. We need to set up a secure internet connection. Come inside."

All of this information I was a lot to take in, and Ziva took a minute to process it.

"Ziva, this is good news!" Adam said impatiently.

She nodded and stepped back inside with Tony behind her.

Ezra had a a laptop on the kitchen table open and ready to go. Before they knew it Orli's face was on the screen.

"Ziva, we have great news!" Orli announced when she saw Ziva's face. "Eli is back safely with us. While the politics aren't completely ironed out, we are considering having the memorial right away. We want you to come and be honored right next to Eli. You will be surrounded by friends who care about you, and of course a protection detail. You'll be as safe as you can be in Israel."

Ziva didn't know what to think about all of this. She looked to Tony, who looked concerned and like he had a lot say about this. Then she looked to Adam who had a similar look. "We'll discuss it" Ziva said, and shut off the computer.

She walked into the next room and sat down on the couch where she had been sitting before. She thought through all the information she had, but it wasn't enough. All the guys had followed her back into the room and watched her deal with it all.

Ezra was the first to speak, "Ziva, Orli wouldn't put you in danger."

Ziva nodded but kept quiet.

Adam came next, "I don't think we have any other options..." He said rubbing his hands together.

Tony tried a different approach, " What are YOU thinking about all this?" He asked scooting closer to her and taking her hand.

"I'm angry, that something this important can't just be simple. I'm angry that no one will put down their agenda long enough to honor their leader." She became more and more angry as she spoke, and she started shaking and voice shook.

"You are right." Ezra stated, "but nothing in Mossad is easy Ziva. You know that. And making the right decision is better then making a quick one. There are many factors in this, some of which you wouldn't understand since leaving us." He said poignantly.

She got his meaning, "Here I am seen as a traitor. In DC I am not entirely trusted because I am from here. I have nothing. I have NO ONE!" And tears filled her eyes.

"That is beyond our ability to fix right at the moment, the question at hand, as I understand it, is whether it is safe and a good idea to go to the memorial. While I would say it's no entirely safe to go. I would also you have to." Said Ezra matter of factly.

All heads nodded in agreement. But Ziva had questions, "Who is it that wants me dead?"

"That is a difficult questions. No one had outright called for your blood... But being the last heir of Eli David. It is assumed that you have your hand in the pot for his position. People don't really believe you would be given it, being a US citizen now, but no one is thinking clearly and everyone's tensions are high. That is reason enough to take care."

Tony didn't know what to think. She needed the closure of being at her father'a memorial, but could he willingly put her life in danger for it? "What do you think about all of the information you have gotten in the last 2 hours?"

She smiled at him, he was right. A lot had happened since getting to this house. "I have to be there Tony".

"I know" he said.

And that was it. The decision was made. They all looked around to see if anyone had anything else to say, but no one was going to argue with Ziva.

"How much protection can we get for Ziva?" Zone asked.

"As much as we need to get..." Adam started.

"People that we TRUST?" Ziva emphasized.

"That will be more difficult," Adam said, "you don't trust very many people.." Adam said with a laugh.

They all said their goodbyes, and then they were on their way back to civilization. Ziva even thanked Ezra in the end and gave hive an almost friendly hug.

Ziva looked relieved and so much less burdened. With everything that had happened since arriving in Israel, it was so good to see her looking better. Tony felt like smiling. This was all coming back around.


	9. Chapter 9

In the car on their way back to Mossad headquarters Tony started talking quietly with Ziva, "do you really feel like you are treated like you aren't trusted in DC still?" He asked honestly, he hated that she felt that way. He even knew that HE had treated her that way at first, but not anymore. She was now an American citizen, and had proven her loyalty to NCIS on many occasions.

"Yes Tony, I do feel that way. Not from you, or Gibbs. But the smallest thing happens, and my loyalty is questioned. Always. Sides are chosen and lines are drawn in the sand and somehow i am in the wrong side." She looked down and kept talking, "and then here? I am treated as a traitor, always. I lost everything and everyone here by becoming a citizen of America and choosing you all over them. Either way, I don't feel at home... Tony."

Wow that was lot. He thought all of that loyalty questioning was behind her, at least on NCIS's side. But yes, now he could tell looking back that it did come back sometimes. That hurt him a lot. He remembered his first conversation with her, he had motioned for to lean in to his desk and had whispered 'I'd wish you luck, but I want him dead too'.

Man! If he had only known how much he'd love this woman later, and that fact that Ari was her brother. He felt like such a moron. He was part of the problem. "I'm sorry Ziva. And I'm sorry for the part that I have played in that as well."

"You and Gibbs do the most to help me in that Tony." Then she let him know she knew what he was thinking of by saying, "You didn't know me at the time, and you had just lost a friend at Ari's hand. I have never blamed you for that."

He smiled, "who knew all of this would lead here?" He said incredulously.

"I know Tony." She shook her head, "it's been a long road... But here we are."

"Here we are indeed" he said with a warm, deep look in it's eye.

She faltered under his gaze and she knew with he wanted to talk about.

She squeezed his hand and looked at him lovingly. They would have time to have the conversation that they needed to. But not here with Adam in the car. They deserved, after all this time to have a real, wonderful, scary conversation about things that scared them both. And they deserved to have it alone. She tried to tell him with her eyes that they would say it. She hoped he got the message. Then she broke his gaze, and laid her head on his shoulder, it would be a long trip back and she might as well get comfortable.

It was a long journey back and they decided to stop at a hotel for sleep. They checked in, and all fell onto their respective beds the second they walked in. But Tony couldn't sleep yet. He wanted to use this opportunity to talk with Ziva alone, but he also wanted her to be able to sleep if she could. He fought with himself for a little while, but wanting to be there for her won out. He got up and knocked on her door.

She answered quickly. "Hey Tony" She said comfortably.

"Hi" he responded. He was glad to see that she hadn't been asleep yet. "I just wanted to check in on you... It's been a long couple days. How are you doing?"

She looked him over wondering what he wanted to know. She hoped that he would come in and want to have the conversation they had started so many times before but never had. Sometimes he took some warming up to the subject. So she just started talking, "Tony it has been such a long few days. My brain and heart haven't caught up yet you know? I am feeling so many things... And just layers and layers on top of each other. I wouldn't even know where to begin to tell you."

He looked at her and understood. But he hoped that she would continue spilling her heart. He knew she wasn't good at that, but it was good for here. He took her hand and moved closer to her on the couch. His look became warm and sweeter then it had been.

That look always made her talk, she couldn't help it. He knew how to get to her. She loved that! "I'm feeling like in a couple days all of this is going to hit me hard, and it's going to be bad. I am feeling that I really don't know what I want after all of this is over..." She looked to see what he thought about that. She couldn't read his look so she continued, "I feel like this could be a chance for a change. A chance to get out. I don't know Tony, I can't zero in on my feelings right now...it's too much. With everything that has happened Tony, what are you thinking about... Everything?"

He signed. He wanted to hear more about all of that. But it was a start. Now, she was diverting and he was going to let her. "I'm thinking...I want you to be safe. I want you to have closure on this whole mess, and I want to go sightseeing with you when all of that is over." He looked at her more closely. She didn't look like she needed to have deep conversation right now. He had an idea, "do you want to watch a movie and get some take out?" He wasn't sure how she would respond. They hadn't spent a lot of time together in that way before, but the time that they did was really fun. He hoped she remembered it.

She smiled at the idea and the memory that came with it. "Sure!" She said happily, " but I don't think you are going to find take out here in this little town."

"That was the least important part of the offer" he said honestly. He lunged over her to get the remote, and she screeched in surprise and hit him playfully. This is good, he thought to himself. She is herself again tonight, and with that thought he gave himself completely to their evening together.

They turned a movie on, but neither really watched it. They played, giggled, teased and laughed the whole way through it. And Tony had never had a better movie night.

When the movie was over, he turned serious eyes to his best friend, he leaned in close and they could feel their breath on each others mouths. The kiss started small, but deepened quickly. What they had both wanted for so long happened that night in a small hotel room in Israel.


	10. Chapter 10

_**So, this was never meant to be super long, but kinda turned into that. I wanted to see her let him come to Israel with her. I at least want to see her get revenge... And then I'm not sure what to do with the rest. I love TIVA, but I am starting to question whether they could really really end up together. I don't think Ziva can let him in that much. Anyways, we'll see where it goes, but thanks for reading!**_

Tony woke up with an _armful_ of Ziva and had to process what had happened. As the events of the night before came back to him the grin on his face grew. He felt so close to her, the evening before had been the sweetest time he'd ever had with her- and that was before they'd had sex. They had finally crossed the line! Hopefully this morning they'd get to talk and everything would be out in the open.

He watched her sleep for awhile and couldn't resist kissing her forehead. She stirred a little he watched her yawn and fall right back into his arms. They weren't in a hurry today. The memorial wasn't for a few days. They didn't have to get anywhere just yet. They could take their time and enjoy the morning, other then there was a third person in this party. At least he didn't need to be jealous of Adam anymore. She had ended up with himself not Adam. It was good to see Ziva relaxed and happy again even if just for an evening. He reminded himself that she just lost her father and would not be herself entirely for some time. But last night had been a start.

Tony didn't want to get up yet but he really had to pee. He didn't want to lose this moment, so he kissed her again, put his hands on her cheek softly, and tangled his hands through her hair. She was so beautiful! He eased held off the bed and into the bathroom.

Ziva woke with the feeling of sudden coldness on the side where Tony had been. She heard someone in the bathroom and hoped he'd come right back to bed with her. She fuzzily thought through their night and had to smile. He was so sweet and kind. They had so much fun. She couldn't decide what her favorite part of the night had been. It was perfect.

When Tony came out of the bathroom, he came back over and saw her awake, "did I wake you sweet cheeks?" He asked with a grin. She laughed at the memory and pulled him back into bed with her. She kissed him and held his face with her hands.

"Tony, I'm so happy..." She started but he noticed fear in her eyes. He turned entirely to her now and tried to figure out what she was feeling.

"Is there a but to this happiness?" He asked.

She looked confused and stopped to look at him, "I don't know what you mean Tony?"

"I didn't mean to interrupt you. Finish what you were going to say."

"I- it's taken..." She paused to looked to him for help. "We've taken so long to get... Well here Tony. Now that we are, here what...how..." She sighed, there was so much to take about and it was frustrating to have sex one moment and not being able to tell of her very real feelings the next. "There's a lot to say Tony"

"I know, you're right there is Ziva. But it's you and me, we never seem to get to the real issues."

She nodded. She gulped frightened but determined to tell him everything. How she felt about him, that she wasn't sure she could live in DC anymore and have this job, that everyone she loved seemed to die and she was afraid of him dying too, all of these things came to the surface all at once and instead of telling him she fell apart crying instead.

He held her close and stroked her hair while she cried. He hated seeing her like this but was also glad she was getting it out. He needed to remember why they were in Israel in the first place. There was a lot going on in Ziva's heart and he needed to be patient. When the sobs let up he looked down at her, "want to talk or have breakfast?" He asked, giving her a way out of talking for now.

She looked determined and said "we need to talk..."

He was surprised by her answer and sat up so he could focus on what she was saying. She waited long moments seeming to struggle within herself. Tony took her hand and kissed it "why don't I start?" He asked with a smile and she looked relieved. He took a deep breath and started slowly. "Ziva for a long...I thought that I was just attracted to you- and I mean I was attracted. Since we met actually and the first words out of your mouth were phone sex!" And he laughed for a minute, "then I started to let myself realize that it was much more then attraction." He stopped and watched her. "Our job is so interesting, because we have to put everything on the line for each other daily. And that itself forms a bond... So I couldn't tell what was our job, and what was attraction and what was something very real growing between us. It started small, but it has grown to be...much bigger then either of us. I have never had a...friendship as deep as ours. You really are my best friend, in so many ways." He could see her melting next to him so he stopped and gave her a reassuring look. "You ok? Not ready to hear this yet?"

She gulped and took a minute to compose herself, "I am".

"Ok" and he want back to his confession, "so many people were telling me that I had feelings for you. And I just couldn't admit it to myself. I struggled with it all for so long, I have wasted so much time..."he shook his head, " but it's true. I love you Ziva. I don't think I can place an exact time on when that happened. It was slow, with different points in our friendship making it clearer and clearer. Some how our time in the elevator about a year ago shook it lose, cause that was when I couldn't deny it anymore. But I don't know when it started. There are so many moments that have led us down this path."

She breathed deep and couldn't help but throw herself into his arms. They hugged for a long moment and both had tears in their eyes. She backed up so she could look at him again, and started talking, "I struggle with a lot of things Tony. And there is so much in me and part of me that I don't like and am afraid of... A lot of times I run away- like I don't deserve the good when I have it. You have never let me get far in running away from you. You are the only one that has ever really come after me." She got choked up at that and cried again. His eyes were teary too, they were really doing this, she knew his heart toward her and it felt good. "I couldn't admit until recently that I cared for you as much as I do. I tried to put it off for so long." She smiled " between dead boyfriends, cars exploding with you in them, and watching you love a beautiful dr...there wasn't a lot of time to admit these things." He smiled too, "but this year...something has changed. And it scares me to my core Tony. I have a lot of fears and concerns about the future. But I do know, that I love you."

They kissed passionately at that and all of the emotions, stress and desire that had held them up for so long was out to better use in that hotel room.

They were laying down holding each other tenderly when they realized that it was around noon and Adam was probably waiting for them somewhere. This so much more important, and neither felt too badly about taking the time that they had taken, but they did need to get going now. How would they be able to hide what just transpired between them neither knew!


	11. Chapter 11

It was very obvious that something had changed between Ziva and Tony when Adam saw them coming downstairs to meet him. They were both, different, but couldn't put his finger on how. They hadn't been reachable all morning but now they sauntered down the stairs happily talking. Adam waved at them but they didn't see him until they were right upon him.

"Oh! Adam..." Ziva declared. He was close enough to trip her and she was surprised.

"Good morning, I trust you slept well."

Tony and Ziva tried not to exchange a look, as they both said that they had slept well.

They all decided that they should eat before setting back out on the road, so they all walked to the dining room of the hotel and ordered food.

"We will need to make it to the headquarters today." Adam stated, "the memorial is planned for tomorrow and you are being asked to speak Ziva."

"Doesn't that put her more in danger, being right in front of everyone?" Asked Tony.

Ziva ignored the questions in front of her at the moment, and focused on what hit her first. "If we have to make headquarters today, we are going to have to race, Adam! We probably shouldn't have stopped for the night..." Not that she regretted it at all, a trace of a smile on her face.

"No we really shouldn't have. But you looked so exhausted, Ziva, I didn't feel like a gentleman unless I got you a bed to sleep in." Adam told her.

"Well thank you. I really did sleep well, and I feel better. But we need to get a move on" she said while chugging her juice.

They all ate quickly and got in the car to be on their way. Once they were in the car, Tony wanted to know the details about keeping Ziva safe. "So Adam, what are we going to do to keep our Ziva safe at the memorial and the rest of our time in Israel?"

Adam sighed, he wished her had real answers for him, "I don't know what Mossad has planned to keep her safe, but I have thoughts on the matter."

"And they would be..." Tony was getting impatient. They were heading right into danger, and he had the least amount of information of the three of them, and he wanted to keep her safe the most.

Adam started out in a different direction but was getting to their point, "Ziva, how much a part of the memorial do you want to be?"

"I need this to be closure on our relationship. I don't expect it to fix all of our family issues, but I need some since of closure."

"So giving the eulogy would be a positive part to play?" Adam asked.

"Yes, I think that would be a great part to play!" Ziva said excitedly.

"Wait..."Tony said quickly, "with politics the way that they are, wouldn't her doing the eulogy make it really look like she's fighting to be his successor?"

Ziva had to give him credit, that was a good thought. He was good at the politics thing. But she was sad that the politics were getting in the way of her being able to honor her father again. She had to breathe in order to keep her cool. It didn't help, "I hate that all of this is ruining the day we have to honor my father. He deserves more, he worked hard for this country, and sacrificed a LOT for it." She couldn't go on. Burning tears we blinding her eyes and she fell on Tonys waiting shoulder for comfort.

"I know Ziva. But that's the way they are. There isn't any use leaping into danger yourself for no reason. There are plenty of people that think wiping out the rest of the David family is a good next step. I will not put you in that kind of danger...I can't let it happen." Adam was getting emotional in his yelling.

Wow tensions are high, Tony thought. He also felt like he could trust Adam more, he was on Ziva's side. "So what are we going to do?" Tony asked again.

"I don't know" Adam said, "I really don't know... There are too many moving pieces in this."

Tony looked at Ziva, "what does your guy tell you?" He asked softly.

"Tony, I am not the one with the magic gut."

"I know but, it's a family tie. Your gut has to be saying something."

"I have to go the memorial Tony. I have to be there and I have to be part of it. My absence would also look suspicious. I am going, I am giving the eulogy, and you will have to figure out how to protect me if it's important to you both." Ziva said.

As they pulled near headquarters, Ziva got nervous. She hated and mistrusted everyone here. Would she ever be rid of them? She got out of the car with the guys, and met Orli in the foyer.

She took Ziva by the shoulders and said "Ziva, we are glad you are here, and safe. You are needed in a meeting that's going on right now." And she pulled Ziva with her without turning to Tony and Adam.

"Not happening," Tony yelled after them, "Ziva is not leaving my side. If she is needed in a meeting, then I am too."

"I will use your own words Tony. Not happening. Ziva is wanted to be involved in the memorial, and involved she will be. If you think you can protect her better then all of Mossad, you are greatly mistaken and think very highly of yourself. The only reason you were able to bring Rivkan down, is he was drunk. We all still blame you for it by the way. So you should think twice about who you think is in danger here in Israel Tony."

Ziva looked at Tony and tried to reassure him with her eyes. It wasn't working. He was having a staring contest with Orli.

"Tony." Ziva said instead, "I will be fine."

Tony wasn't buying it, "Orli, exactly what is your plan to keep Ziva safe during this event?"

"You, Adam and I will be discussing that after I drop Ziva off into this meeting she needs to be at." She turned around and walked with Ziva down the hall.

Tony hated seeing her go. He didn't trust her or any of them. He didn't want Ziva here, she wasn't safe in any way. They had a way of convincing her to do things that were not in her best interest. They also had a way of having anterior motives that weren't in her best interest. He wanted her to have the closure she needed, but he would feel better once they were on a plane home. He turned to Adam, "we need a plan" and he walked down the hall in the opposite direction then Orli went. Adam followed him.

Once Orli showed back up the two had a working plan for the memorial. Adam had explained all the sides of the issues and Tony had a better understanding of what they were looking at. He honestly felt better. Orli also had some thoughts, and the man power she was talking of sounded really good to him. He tried not to take down all of his defenses, but he was feeling very good about all of this now.

"So we will put you three up in a hotel tonight with a safety team on the outside. Memorial is at 10 tomorrow morning and you will all need to be here early." Orli was saying when Ziva walked back down the hall.

The location of the memorial looked beautiful when they all arrived the next morning. Tony was in full protection detail mode from the moment they got there. Ziva tried to ignore it and not let it bother her because she wasn't sure why it did. Tony thought she looked gorgeous in her dress. He was glad that she left her hair down in wild curls. He planned to tell her all of that later in the day.

Tony was tired, and ready for all of this to be over. He just wanted Ziva next time him on a plane back to DC. He had thought that this would be a good trip for Ziva and him. And while it had been, it had also been very hard on Ziva. He had imagined sightseeing and lots of hugging, but they had had a lot of stress and tears. He thought back to the moment he had found her in that chapel. She looked so alone, and he was so glad that she had let him into her sorrow. He was still glad- and wanted to be there for her in every way possible. They had come a long way emotionally since that moment in the chapel. He smiled at all that had transpired.

The service started on time. There were thousands of people here, and politics was the rule of the day. Everyone was a little tense, and Tony didn't like how that tension grew as the service moved on. Ziva was the emotionless ninja again. She could turn it on and off so fast. Tony checked the pamphlet again, Ziva was next up if the man talking now would ever be done. He watched her from a hundred feet away. She was anxious, fiddling with the edge of her dress and looking around cautiously. He wanted to know why she was nervous. She saw him watching her and gave him a forced smile. He smiled back and tried to reassure her with his eyes.

Tony looked around again to check on the crowd and made a gesture to Adam from across the crowd. All looked good so far. He hoped it would stay that way. Then Ziva was standing and walking toward the podium. Her speech had been memorized and she spoke without tears, emotion or a hint of caring. It was very matter of fact and empty sounding.

A movement to her right caught Tony's eye and he responded by moving towards it. He tried to get Adam's attention but couldn't. His heart practically leaped out of his chest when a gun was produced and anxious voices were heard near the man. Tony was at a run now and scared out of his mind. The man was on the move and making Tony very nervous. Just then Tony heard shots behind him and spun around mid step. The crowd turned to chaos as they all reacted. He could tell someone on stage was hurt, but not who. Tony didn't know where to turn, more shots were fired and more chaos. He tried to make his way to the stage, but was getting pummeled by the terrified crowd. He couldn't see Adam, but hoped he was having more luck then he was. So many thoughts were running through Tony's head he couldn't think straight he was running only on instinct.


	12. Chapter 12

He had to get to Ziva.

That was the only thought going through Tony's head as he desperately made his way up to the stage to see who was dead up there. People around him were panicking and losing their heads. There was running, diving, screaming, and absolute chaos. There was no getting anywhere, but he had to. The actual danger was over, no more shots had been fired, but the chaos it created seemed to just be beginning. He could hear sirens in the background, they would be here soon. Tony was leaping over bodies and around fights. A lot of people were going to be hurt by the end of this. Now Tony was getting close to the stage. It was too tall to see anything but the very edge if it.

Suddenly Ziva's face appeared over the edge of the stage, she looked around like she was looking for someone. When she saw Tony she was relieved, "Orli is hurt!"

Tony could not hide his relief, nor did he wish too. He wanted her to know exactly how happy he was that she was ok. "On my way up Ziva." He processed the information she had yelled as he ran and leapt over people to get the stage. Orli was hurt. He tried to care that Orli was hurt, but there was someone a lot more precious to him on that stage that he was completely thrilled was alive and well enough to yell at him.

It still took awhile for him to get up there to her, but when he did he grabbed her arm and stopped her from helping for a minute. "Ziva, I am glad you are okay." He said, focusing on her and telling her exactly how worried he had been with his eyes. Then he kissed her forehead and let her go so they could help out with the emergency. He looked down at Orli. She had a mob of people around her trying to help, but even from here Tony could tell she was dead. He looked around to see if anyone else was hurt, or to see if there was evidence of what happened there. There was none. It made sense that Orli and Ziva were the targets, being in line for the position that Eli held. He really wanted to get Ziva out of there. The police were showing up and there wasn't much else they could do to help anyways. He took Ziva's hand and led her away watching around them in case the shooter wasn't done.

When they were a couple miles away, he found a place where they could talk that was off the road a little ways. Their hands were still laced so she followed without question. She had been quiet so far, but he knew that a lot had went down very quickly and she was probably still processing. "How are you doing?" He asked her, searching her eyes for signs of how she felt about the events of the day.

"Not great Tony." Was all she would admit, and she started to walk back to the road. He grabbed her arm again, and stopped her, "hey..."

She sighed, not wanting to talk about it until she could deal with it privately, but Tony would not be denied. "It sucks!" She started.

"I know. That was a lot for one day..." His eyes getting softer and softer trying to communicate with her through them.

"All I wanted was to honor my father!" The words came out in yells and she started to lose control of her emotions. He held her tightly while she yelled and cried. Patiently waiting to hear what she was thinking. But she closed back up a few minutes later with no hope of opening back up again. Ok, well if that was as much as he would get out of her, at least it was something. He watched her for another minute, hoping that she would come back to him, but no such luck. He sighed, she wiped her tears, and they both caught their breath before they set back out on the road. She was so bottled up, did he really think she'd let go of it all at once? This was going to take time. This was as far as she could let him in, and he would take it. Once they were breathing normally and had regained composure, they talked about what to do next.

"What do you think we should do next?" He asked her, trying to clear his mind and refocus on the task at hand.

She shrugged, and put her hand over her forehead in thought. This was all so much at once. Not even Ziva could push down all of the emotion of what was going on here in Israel. Her father, Tony, revenge, being kidnapped, shot at, deciding if she should return to DC... So many things begged for her attention. But if she was honest with herself there was something that she could think of that might help. "Tony, can I take you some place?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah... Sure." He said surprised, and searching her eyes to see what was going on in her heart. He could see she was fighting something. And that scared him. Was she thinking of running away from him? He wondered.

She didn't give him anymore information. She just turned around and hailed a cab.

He was happy that she seemed to be excited about something, but her safety was still a concern. "Do you think that you are safe?" He asked her once they were in the cab.

"Not sure" she said, refusing to look at him.

That wasn't enough for him, so continued, " I want nothing more then to enjoy Israel with you after the last couple weeks you have had. But your safety is a big deal to me. Do you think we should just hop on the next plane back to DC?" He didn't want to discourage this adventure they were on, but he couldn't help it.

She stiffened at the end of his sentence, and his heart dropped to the ground. She wasn't sure whether she was coming back with him or not. He turned out the window pretending to watch the scenery as tears rolled down his cheeks. Once Ziva decided on something it was over and done. If she was still unsure about it even after they had both confessed their feelings there wasn't a good chance that this was going to end in his favor. He couldn't do this. He couldn't enjoy his time with her knowing it was almost over. This was how eight years together would be ending? He was angry, but also stuck in a taxi. He couldn't show her what was going on with him. He tried to breathe and push it aside. They would deal with it later. He took some time to regain his composure. He couldn't even look at he right now. He couldn't imagine the pain of leaving her behind. He had had to do that once, and it was more then he could deal with even then. And at that point he hadn't been able to admit he was in love with her. Now both of their feelings were out in the open, they had something that bound them now more then ever. They were so connected, how could it just be over? Pushing it aside and out of his mind, he focused on the time he had with her now. She invited him to Israel with her, in a very emotion time. That had to count for something. He wondered where she was taking them. Hopefully to some good memories, not deeper into here emotional trauma. Then he laughed bitterly to himself, did she have good memories of Israel? He wondered. She had never shared any with the team. He sighed and turned to look at her- composed once again.

She saw him move and turned to him as well. Her eyes questioning him what was going on.

"Where are we heading?" He asked casually.

She smiled, and answered, "A journey to the past." Then she paused, "some places I need to visit- now that my father... Now that I have no family left."

He was concerned about this, thought it might be self destructive, but since she was letting him join he was willing to go along with it for now. "What's the first stop?"


	13. Chapter 13

Ziva had pulled them out of two taxis and Tony was at a loss as to why. But he went along with it, as she yelled loudly in Arabic and Hebrew. It seemed she finally found one, they piled their luggage in and sat in the back seat. She spoke in Arabic again, and they were off. Tony and Ziva had already been on the road for hours and hours. It felt like they were in the middle of no where but they were in a small town.

Tony turned to Ziva, "are you going tell me where we are going?" He was wondering a lot more then that, but he left the simplest of his questions out for her to answer.

She sighed. Then huffed. Then must have decided to answer him because she spoke at that point. "Tony, I have lost my whole family. I have no one left. Destruction is in my wake..." Her words came out in exasperation, and covering deep emotion.

She wasn't done, but since she paused he broke in at that point. "Ziva, do you really blame yourself for your family dying?" He sounded incredulous, because he was. He had no idea that she carried the weight of whole family's death on her shoulders. But it made so much sense as to who she was. He felt like he got another piece to the puzzle of who Ziva was.

"Who else is there to blame Tony?!" She sighed, losing control of her voice and then shakily continued, "who is the one person left after their deaths?"

Tony thought about it. She would probably always feel responsible for Ari's death. There was so many pieces to that story, that that one would be hard to let go. And Ziva and her father had such a crazy, mixed up relationship...he understood how she felt partly to blame in that case- even though it was completely untrue, he understood. But Tali, and her mother? Really? Then Tony realized he didn't know the circumstances around Tali's death or any details about her mother's. He was reminded that there was a lot going on for Ziva on this trip. So much un reconciled emotion and such pain. He spoke slowly, trying to use very exact words. He looked her directly in the eye so she couldn't misunderstand what he was saying or with what heart it came from, " Ziva, I am sorry that you are the only person left in your family. I can't imagine what that feels like. And I am sorry that there is such a history of violence in your family. But NONE of this is you fault. I know it's hard to see that. But someday, I hope you are able to step out from under this weight you carry, so you don't pass it to your own children." He stopped, watching her face. There were doors being unlocked behind her eyes and deep treasures chests being opened. He continued. "You can be the first step to a new legacy. Think about it." Then he gave her a tense smile and squeezed her hand.

Ziva was speechless for a long time thinking. He had just given her another reason to not go home to DC. She could start over, building a new legacy for the David family. The ideas had already been in her head and heart. He had just added to the reasons, and given her a deeper sense of why it should be done.

Tony hoped that she was thinking about his proposition, and was please with himself that he had found comforting words to sooth her. He had no idea what was going on in her brain and heart, but had he known- he would have been heartbroken. After awhile of silence, he turned to her again and said, "where are we going?"

"Amman" she said simply still a lot in her heart and mind to contemplate.

"Jordan?" Tony was surprised. "Is there a reason Ziva?" He asked, trying to pull her from her thoughts.

"I need to see it Tony. My mother was killed there. I n- need to be there. To see it." There was a lot of emotion in her voice and he could tell this was not a simple trip. She was trying to reconcile her whole past.

He was surprised that she was letting him be part of such an intimate trip. He felt like there were still things she was keeping from him about all this, and something just didn't feel right. But he would wait her out. The other shoe would drop. And she was giving him more to go on then usual. He took her hand and closed his eyes.

Ziva's mind was still reeling. She could change all of this! The whole direction her family was going in! That thought thrilled her heart and gave her a reason to live! So much death and destruction- all for no sensible reason and all centered around her. But stopping it, giving it up and starting something new? That gave her heart hope she had not felt since she was child, it gave her a sense of control, and she knew it must be what she was meant to do. She started making plans for a bright future. Then everything in her mind halted with one thought- Tony. Could she let Tony go home without her? Could she beak both of their hearts and stop the path their hearts were going down? They had finally said the words to start something together. Could she give that up? But could she really accept it either? She didn't deserve it. She wasn't sure that she could really enter into it to the point that he wanted her to. Did she deserve happiness at all? Let alone all of her dreams to come true? Staying and starting a new family legacy made so much more sense, and was so much easier. Could she let go of him though- really? So much to think about, and having him next to her was not helping. He was sweetly rubbing her finger with his thumb as he fell asleep. She couldn't believe that this was the same man that she had met eight years before. He seemed so different now that he loved her. There was so much more to him. This was going to be an agonizing decision and she had to make it on her own. She leaned over and kissed his mouth. Needing to feel the contact of his lips and the emotions that it rose in both of them.

He opened his eyes wide in surprise, but quickly caught up with her and kissed her with all that emotion of the last couple of days. He had no way of knowing where this sentiment was coming from but he wasn't going to argue about it. He kissed her with everything he had in him, and showed her all the facets of his heart that needed to be spoken at some point. His hands stroked her face and hers wrapped around his neck. If they hadn't been in the back of a taxi, this would have gone somewhere very intimate. But they were, so they both backed up and looked at each other.

"I would love to know what is going on in that pretty little head of yours sweet cheeks." He smiled warmly and wrapped his fingers in her hair trying to place what her eyes were speaking to him.

She tried to hide what she was thinking and stored it away for later. All of the emotion and intimacy were gone in her eyes, and he sighed, "not ready to tell me huh?"

She kissed his cheek and sat back in her seat. He was too good at reading her. She would have to be very careful what she let him see.

Tony still puzzled over the last few moments. Something scared him about the look in her eye. It was almost... And his stomach absolutely dropped and his mouth went dry. GOODBYE. She was saying GOODBYE! He felt completely nauseated and thought he might throw up. He desperately needed to get out of the car, but couldn't do so without letting Ziva know that he understood what this was. He was panicking now and hyperventilating. He had to calm down, to push it aside. He could deal with it later, when he was alone. But no, it was all too much. There had been too much hope built up on this trip. He had let himself believe that he finally had it- the whole package! Visions of showing up at NCIS with Ziva on his arm, his grin a mile wide as he explained that he had won her had been allowed to flourish in his mind. But now that was costing him. He looked out the window not being able to stifle the sobs and tears that came. She either didn't see or ignored it because she didn't move an inch for over an hour while he attempted to gain back control.

They were both startled when they reached a border crossing checkpoint and had to get out of the car for a search. They got out not looking at each other. Ziva spoke in Arabic with the cab driver to the border patrol. It got a little heated, but Tony couldn't tell what was being said. They were allowed to get back into the car and continue on their way- still hours from there destination. Tony still hadn't gathered himself enough to turn to Ziva, and she seemed lost in her own thoughts still. It left him more time to deal, to push down the hope that had been building. And Tony just felt tired.


End file.
